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Let me just start with this:
I have NEVER seen the Benedict Sherlock series. And honestly, I don’t really plan to.
I had a dream that Sherlock and Watson came to my house… Like they were long time friends.
And I’m going.. OMG, they’re here! I need to get this place cleaned up! And my son was being a punk like usual.
I kept apologizing for how messy my house was and they were all like “oh it’s cool. We don’t mind one bit”. I even had a British accent…
It was strange…
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Sun and Chiron are in alignment in Pisces, which means that life will either be kind to you or give you the lesson of your life.
Moon is coming up with random thoughts while it bathes in Aries.
Basically, Aries is going to sucker punch you in the face with either enlightenment or horrible embarrassment.
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Unless it’s something that they are utmost against, they will more than likely do it.
Taurians take bets and dares seriously if it challenges them to show that they are more than capable of doing it.
Taurus: “Ooh, I like her shirt. I wonder where she got it from?”
Other: “You should ask her.”
Taurus: “No, that would be weird.”
Other: “Bet you won’t do it.”
Taurus: “Hey! Where did you get your shirt!”
(This has happened to me.)
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I have figured out why I’m very hesitant to having another baby.
It’s not the lack of funds.
It’s not the pregnancy.
It’s the first months post partum.
When I had Sly, I was in great shape.
For the first four days, that is.
Afterwards, I was a spiraling mess of depression that soon became Post Partum Depression. And the images aren’t so pretty. Such as this one:
I look tired, and that’s because I am. But not because I was a new mom, getting use to getting up in the middle of the night to feed Baby. No, I was tired because I was horribly depressed. And see how I’m just completely disconnected from the fact that I have a two week old baby on my lap? That’s how you feel about EVERYTHING.
For about three months, because Sly decided to start sleeping through the night at two and a half months, I would cry when my son cried. I would yell at my son for crying. I would almost grab him and start shaking him because he was crying. I would get this uncontrollable rage, almost murderous, because I would want my son to stop expressing his needs to me.
My son, I believed, had colic and would cry at almost every oppritunity.
Fernando said that he rarely cried. I bed to differ. Mainly because I was the one around him, or was I just thinking that he would cry constantly?
I didn’t want to be around my son when I was in these moods but rarely anyone would be around to help me out. Also another reason why I was always frustrated and upset. I felt like I had no help at all.
Fernando went back to work FOUR DAYS after I had our son because his work was short handed on people and they needed him. I mostly blamed McDonald’s for my depression, but who doesn’t these days.
I remember seeking online help from a therapist. It did help out and she did diagnose me with PPD and a slight chance of PPP, Post Partum Psychosis. But the fact that I actually stopped myself from doing horrible things to my son is what kept me from being classified as PPP. I would have brief flashes of picking him up and shaking the hell out of him or simply dropping him into the crib from about two feet in the air (reminded that my son was about one-three months). But when I realized what I was about to do, I would lay him in his crib, literally run out of the room, shutting the door behind me and start sobbing on the couch.
It makes you feel like a horrible person! Here’s this living thing that all it’s doing is expressing it’s needs in the manner it only knows how, and you are contemplating on basically killing it because you want it to stop expressing needs!
One thing that really hurts me the most, when I remember it, is when he started crying and I went out of the room. Fernando came out of our room with him in his arms, subdued, and asked me “Does he make you happy?” My immediate thought:
I didn’t say it, I just said “I can’t stand it when he cries.”
I’m just wondering how I’m going to handle the next baby. If I’m put in the same situation as I was with Sylvester, how will I react? I’ve heard there is a higher possibility of having PPD with the next baby when you have had a history of it. And that scares me.
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When someone tells you that there is a situation about something, are you going to focus on the small details or are you going to focus on what the problem is?
Some people just don’t understand that there are bigger problems than the nitty gritty stuff. Like, for instance, someone’s life perhaps?
But apparently, forgetting to turn something on to indicate what you are doing is more important than what I just told you. There was a possible kidnapper/molester in that neighborhood and you are more worried about some lights?
I’m glad that to someone in a higher position than you, the creepy guy was more important than some lights…
Get your priorities in order, please.
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So one of my old instructors is having a dance show this weekend and I inquired on her if she had any spots left for dancers.
Seeing that I have a different email she didn’t recognize me immediately and asked if she could see a video of my performances.
I complied and sent her my YouTube channel and await the email back.
Well, she figured out who I was. And was not very happy with me (LOL!!!).
Basically what her message was saying (to me) is that she wouldn’t allow me to dance in her show because I left her classes without reason, said that someone in her class told her that I was saying that I’d be “taking her job”, and that I didn’t complete HER classes, so therefore, I cannot attend.
Yes, I did leave her class. Because when one student was having a bad day, she pulled her to the side and had a slight heated discussion with her. She came back and continued class like nothing happened. I was impressed with that, that earned her a lot of respect.
Until the class ended.
She told ALL of her advanced students about what happened, emphasizing that she was right in all of this. She made herself sound like she was being attacked.
I have NEVER said anything about taking her job. I have told students that there was another studio out there. I don’t approve of it, but I’m not going to let that influence them. I HAVE STILL ADVOCATED HER. And compared to what I have heard from other local belly dancers here in Lubbock, she isn’t someone to really make friends with. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
And to say that just because I didn’t finish HER classes that I can’t attend?
I have studied with Bahaia, Michelle Manx, Obsidia, and Kajira Djoumahna. And I’ll be studying with Amy Sigil, Gitane, Z-Helene and Ashley Lopez next year.
DON’T TELL ME THAT JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T ATTEND YOUR CLASSES THAT I HAVEN’T CONTINUED STUDYING!!! THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE THAN JUST HER!
And that’s EXACTLY what I told her, too.
So you know what? Forget her! I was wanting to get into the show to put all of this behind us. Now I just have an even BIGGER reason to steer clear.
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Note: Most of this is about belly dance, so if you really don’t care about it, keep scrolling.
People want to bombard me with their opinions and say that mine are wrong. Well sorry to burst your bubble, little lady, but I don’t give a damn if mine doesn’t agree with yours!
We all have different opinions, and if yours doesn’t approve of mine then that’s your own problem.
Take it up with someone who cares!
I’m tired of trying to be the middle ground between people. So you know what? Here’s my opinions, whether you like them or not!
~~I understand that there are those that cannot find a teacher anywhere near them. I understand that there are those that can only get YouTube videos and DVDs. I would rather beginners learn from a teacher, but you CAN learn from DVDs and videos. That’s how I got started.
The only problem I have with this is that the posture you learn from an actual teacher will NOT be the posture that you THINK you are doing with a DVD! I have ACTUALLY HURT MYSELF when doing a DVD because I DIDN’T HAVE THE CORRECT POSTURE. That’s my only worry about that!
I’m not saying that beginning belly dancers should ONLY find a teacher. If you have no other means than DVDs, go for it, but repeat that posture section OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
~~~Those that think that I’m bombarding beginning students when I say that if you’re not passionate about the dance you can’t call yourself a belly dancer: (I’m going to put this in caps, bold it, and italicize it so you can understand it better) THOSE THAT ARE ONLY LEARNING TO ATTRACT ATTENTION ARE NOT BELLY DANCERS.
THOSE THAT TRAIN HARD, LEARN HARD, PERFORM ONLY WHEN THEY FEEL THEY ARE READY OR WANT TO SHOW WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED ARE REAL BELLY DANCERS. THOSE THAT FEEL THIS AS A WAY OF LIFE, A WAY TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES, A WAY TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS ARE BELLY DANCERS
IF YOU ARE DOING THIS ART FORM—YES, ART FORM—JUST SO YOU CAN SEDUCE SOMEONE, PUT IT ON A RESUME AS A BROW LIFTER, OR THROW IT AROUND A DANCE CLUB TO GET ATTENTION, YOU ARE NOT A BELLY DANCER.
~~To those that think that I have a turned up nose at those that dance in more revealing costumes:
It irritates me that some dancers don’t care about what we look like to the public. I’m all ABOUT getting rid of the stereotype and making belly dance respectable as an art, so yes I do purse my lips at the more revealing costumes.
Why, you ask, am I so fervent about getting rid of the stereotype? Because when I started belly dancing, I was made fun of and asked if I was going to go work at a strip club by MY OWN FAMILY. And those that go about wearing nothing but a hip scarf or sheer pants/skirts have a bigger impact on my family’s views on this dance than the positive ones. “Oh, so much for nonsexual, Dana. Look at that girl over there.” “I thought you said this was a family event, Dana.” “What the hell is she wearing? I thought this was a belly dance event.”
You get the point.
And those that say “Well, why don’t you just ignore your family?”
Because I’m a Taurus, and as a Taurus I’m stubborn and will PROVE to ANYONE that what they misconceive is wrong! For once I’m doing something that I love and my family is making it seem that I shouldn’t be doing this. The ONLY way so far that I have been able to convince them otherwise is by taking them to dance parties, to shows, to performances. THEY WILL NOT LISTEN TO ME IF I JUST TELL THEM THAT THEY ARE WRONG ABOUT BELLY DANCE.
I hope you understand why I have these opinions now. And if you don’t, well, that’s not my problem, really. If I stepped on a few toes, I’m fine with that. And to tell you the truth, I’m kind of looking forward to a bombardment of messages. I’m tired of my anxiety making me “need to be neutral” and the peacekeeper. Tell you the truth, I don’t care if you unfollow me because of this post. This is a blog that should be about personal opinions.
Don’t like it, you don’t HAVE to read it.
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New tote bag for sale!
12” x 13” x 4” when filled.
Over the shoulder one strap
Cotton and broadcloth
$15. Message me to buy!
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I have semi-solid colors:
DGHB for the dark green fabric.
LGHB for the light green fabric.
SFHB for the sea foam fabric.
LBHB for the light blue fabric.
DBHB for the dark blue fabric.
CPHB for the cream pink fabric.
DPHB for the dark pink fabric.
CHB for the cream fabric.
BHB for the bronze fabric.
LBHB for the light brown fabric.
DBHB for the dark brown fabric.
I have circles and stripes:
SBCHB for the small blue circle fabric.
BSHB for the brown strips fabric.
LBCHB for the open circle fabric.
SBRCHB for the small brown fabric.
LSCHB for the large stripe circle fabric.
All fabric is cotton.
Lining is black broadcloth unless you would like a different lining (subject to higher price depending on the cloth used).
Each hand bag made is ten dollars, fifteen for reversibles. All money made will help me go to Tribal Fest next year!
Thanks for supporting my dance career!
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I’ll make you a tote bag for an exchange of ten dollars! Any size, any color, any material! Give me dimensions, color/pattern/print, and material choice, as well as handle length, and I’ll make one for you!
I can also do reversibles for an extra five dollars!
I can even make discounts on more than just one tote!
Reusable grocery bags are designed to wear out faster because of the poor quality fabric. I can make you a 100% canvas bag (which is more resilient to folding, washable, and lasts longer than the material they use with store bought grocer bags) for five dollars, ten for three, twenty for six!
And if I have to mail them to you, a simple two dollar shipping fee is added to the cost!
I have a PayPal account to accept Debit/Credit cards. Just give me a message!
Examples of my work:
Sold Large black and white dot over-shoulder tote bag
Currently for Sale on Esty.com!
Reversible Tote Prototype
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